Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Great American Dip-Out: Day #2

so i've quit chewing tobacco. by my count it's been almost 36 hours since my last dip, and things are good. morale is high, resistance is strong. the question is, how long will altoids, gum and cough drops hold off the inevitable cravings for nicotine? i mean, cold turkey is a painful exercise, and a lonely one at that.

i'm walking around like bruce banner on the verge of snapping - "you wouldn't like me when i'm angry." half the time i'm daring people to piss me off so i can feel justified in flying off the handle. it's definitely an interesting study of self-restraint mixed with hubris.

i can't see how helpful it is to write this though, as i'm happiest right now when my mind's off this subject, and here i am dwelling on it. so i'm stopping...

right...

now.

9 comments:

2socks said...

god also says "let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

sinner.

Samantha said...

Congratulations!!!!!!!!
I've been a non-smoker for a week now...
I did a Tony Robbins program and one of his points was that to quit an addiction, you had to replace it with another activity. Here I am in the Land of Blog...

2socks said...

hey, congrats!

gets easier every day, right?

Anonymous said...

Ditto, NickhasasmallPP...took the words right out of my mouth, which was right after I pinched a nice thumb and finger full of Lancaster and started chewing--always a nice ending to my day. Yum. I can't see why anyone would quit this. But seriously, Nick, if you are trying to quit it helps to associate the thought with something else that morbidly disgusts you...like girls.


And Lebel...if you want justification for snapping and 'flying off the handle' then look no further...I'll be glad to oblige you with more of these sweet, silly little blog entries whenever I can. Inspired by your dip quitting, I, too, was going to quit writing these nonsensical quips, but the thought of seeing you transform like an angry Bruce Banner, all blood engorged and flushing green, wearing Daisy Dukes and a too-small shirt ripped and hanging around your waist, grunting incoherently with the rest of the 'special' paradegoers made me have a change of heart. What an image.

Cold turkey may be a painful exercise, but so is reading these entries. Before trying to quit something as challenging as chew, why not start with something less important, like breathing. Oh wait. That would only benefit us. Sorry.

By the way--tubesteak smothered in underwear may be calorie free, but it is full of saturated gay.


My tongue is planted firmly in cheek, I assure you. Good luck with your endeavor!
-Lucky Pierre

2socks said...

good thing i'm already wearing daisy dukes. you just make sure you get nice and lubed up so you don't get all busted up on the inside - that CAN'T feel good.

although, i have to admit, as the days wear on i find it's easier and easier to put the kodiak out of my mind and focus on more important things - it's creeping into my subconscious less than it used to, and i'm having wet dreams about heidi klum rather than having a nice big chaw.

i'm calling that progress.

but if i'm helping your fragile psyche by being the brunt of your misguided aggression, then by all means, i'll be the rock on which you build your church. i'll be the wind beneath your wings. i'll be the straw that stirs your drink.

out of my purging of addiction comes an urge to make the world a better place, and i'm starting with you...

2socks said...

p.s.

"morbidly disgusts"?! paints a pretty picture.

Anonymous said...

This is the scripture.

"And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it” (Matt. 16:17-19).

You're not Peter.

Or even Bette Midler.

Blasphemer.

2socks said...

looks like i'm not the only one who needs spell check: "Enquirer"

2socks said...

just a glass for the devil's water...